It’s been a minute since I last post and whilst this seems to be becoming a habit of mine, rest assured I’m going to be more consistent. The reason I’ve constantly been taking breaks is because I was in an incredibly toxic situation with someone from my past. We began very bitter toward each other sniping at each other on social media until we tried to be civil. We tried to keep our distance but it didn’t work and still things were happening that shouldn’t have. We’ve both seen that actually there is no point trying to be civil because this situation is never going to get better, my privacy is never going to respected, my truth is never going to be respected, we’re always going to be at loggerheads. So I took a break. I took time teaching myself not to check their social media so that I can finally leave them in my past. It’s been over 4 years since I escaped the abuse of my Dad and I’ve been incredibly stupid in allowing myself to be held in the residual toxicity from that. I’ve got a lot of life ahead of me and I don’t want to constantly be held in the past so this break was about reminding myself of that. I couldn’t have done it whilst blogging because for me blogging is my outlet, I would have ended up releasing all my emotion into my blog and then the toxic situation would’ve boiled over all over again.
Since my last post only a few things have happened (it’s so exciting being agoraphobic). Firstly; I’ve been adjusting to duloxetine which will have a whole post dedicated to it, including my personal comparisons with mirtazapine but, what I will say is it’s great not having brain fog half as much. I no longer feel like a zombie which was my main goal, and I’m also losing the weight I gained due to mirtazapine. I’m much happier and I feel like there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve also got something new and exciting happening with my local council that I am so so so SO proud of. Recently I helped my personal advisor get funding for a specialist mental health worker within the leaving care team at our council, we were successful and now we have a delightful lady specifically for helping care leavers with mental health. Moving forward I’ve been invited to advocate for care leavers and work with the mental health worker in creating the best possible opportunities for care leavers to access the help from this worker. This will include running the social media, groups, meetings etc alongside the worker. Along with doing my health and social care course this is an absolutely incredible opportunity for me and I’m so proud of myself.
All the other stuff that’s been happening this month is pretty lacklustre compared to that but all the same, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends, family and boyfriend. We’ve been doing some fun stuff including a family trip to the motor cross track.
It’s the first time with K, beforehand I hated the idea of it. I was so anxious about him hurting himself but I was glad he was happy. Being able to see him ride opened my eyes to how fun it is for him and actually, I think I might have been bitten by the bike life bug. So he’s going to teach me how to ride, and hopefully one day after I’ve had my surgery and recovered I’ll be able to ride on the tracks with him.
This break and spending time with my nearest and dearest has helped remind me how incredibly blessed I am. I have such a great life that I’ve managed to build up all by myself and finally things are paying off. Im surrounded by the most amazing people, my relationship if stronger than it ever has been before, and opportunities are flooding my way. I’m so happy and at peace with myself. I can’t wait to rebuild my blog and take you on this journey with me. Thank you for your patience.
“The life in front of you is far more important than the life behind you.” – Joel Osteen