This weeks post is about the fundamental links between anxiety and control, although not from a scientific point of view, just a personal perspective.
In my relationship we often struggle a lot with me being “overprotective” if you will. With me being female this goes against gender stereotypes and for most men, would make them insecure about their masculinity. I am very blessed to have a partner who is confident enough to understand he is still a man and that I am not the way I am to make him feel inferior, but because I don’t know how else to show my love to him.
Examples of such control vary, from something as small as he must not leave me on “read” when we text, because I have to know he’s okay and not been murdered whilst reading it. Extreme I know but there are no limits to what seeds anxiety will plant in your mind. To the more serious not wanting him to hang around with a certain group of friends because they all take drugs. I doubt I need to explain what sort of anxiety this causes.
To an outsider I can clearly see how I’m a ball and chain, how I’m impossible and how emasculating I can be. I understand. But I’m here to explain how our relationship works, juggling my anxiety in a healthy way. Sometimes I can be controlling but we are able to communicate our feelings about things, sometimes all it takes is some reassurance that things are ok, other times I help him to see the dangers in things. For example, I never stopped him seeing that group of friends who take drugs, but I explained the risks of what they were doing and the type of life he was going to end up having if he continued and over a period of months he chose to block them. HE CHOSE. Something that the outsiders don’t see. Whereas I feel anxious about him going out in the car with someone I deem a bad driver but he’s quick to reassure me and we move past it.
To an outsider I’m probably a nightmare and control him but often the decisions are his own and he’s completely able to tell me when he really disagrees with my anxieties and why. I don’t stop him doing anything and he doesn’t stop me doing anything but we are open and help each other to understand our emotions.